There she was… in Byron eating brownies.
Questioning all aspects of her life.
Anxious but calm.
Tired but energised.
Triggered but content.
Sad but strangely happy.
Confused but filled with clarity.
She was experiencing emotions and thoughts like she had never experienced before.
Like she was feeling two opposite emotions at once.
And a pull.
But it didn’t stop.
It kept on going.
The push-pull felt out of control.
She was just about to lose her mind.
It felt like arriving at a T-intersection blindfolded:
One way was safe, one way was life threatening.
It felt like her king had showed up on his horse but there were 2 of them:
One of them was real, and one of them was an illusion.
It felt like gambling a 50/50 at the casino:
One half represented winning millions, one half represented losing everything and more.
She just sat there and stared into space.
She couldn’t move.
Her soul felt completely violated.
But she also felt relieved.
SHE HAD JUST EXPERIENCED THE MOST POWERFUL HEALING SESSION OF HER LIFE.
Every part of the deep darkness of her soul had surfaced.
It was staring at her right in the eye.
It was ugly.
Everything made sense now.
But part of her was hoping that it didn’t.
Part of her was hoping to go back in time and undo this knowing.
She felt sick.
She wanted to cry.
She wanted to hide.
She wanted to scream.
She wanted to drown herself in gazillion litres of melting chocolate!
But instead she was physically paralysed by a whirlwind of emotion.
She was looking right…
She was looking left…
She was tossing up between shutting down her social media account and moving to Byron Bay. To become a hippie, hug trees and eat mushrooms.
To throw her phone in the water from the light house and continue writing books, blogs and novels by hand.
The other ultimatum was to change the world. But she would have to wipe her tears off her face and drive back home. She would have to put on her big girl pants and take full responsibility.
She would have to face these dark demons and inner monsters.
She would have to integrate her new wisdom.
She would have to make a decision.
She would have to COMMIT with her whole heart and soul.
She was caught up between wanting it all but wanting nothing at all.
She felt like quitting.
She felt like giving in…
But something made her step outside of herself and look at her SELF from the outside.
She switched dimensions and tuned into her higher self.
IT LAUGHED AT HER.
Yes, her higher self laughed at her.
It said –
“Lol. You’re going to just sit there on that park bench in Byron and eat brownies for the rest of your life? You’re going eat mushrooms to escape what you KNOW, and to die with your dance still within you??!”
Ouch. She just got bitch slapped by her own higher self.
She then got a strong download from source.
“YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LIVE THE SAME LIFE LESSONS ON DIFFERENT TIMELINES UNTIL YOU LEARN”
Each physical life and timeline is full of lessons.
But what was the Universe trying to teach her in this very moment?
She already knew the answer to that…
She softly mumbled,
But she had realised her purpose was so big & scary.
She didn’t know if she was ready to fully own it yet?
Sitting on that park bench felt nice.
The sun touched her skin….
The brownie warmed her belly.
She looked up.
She saw a crown.
And in that moment she knew…
THAT CROWN WAS HERS.
She grabbed it.
She placed it on her head.
Let’s face it –
Queens would look a little odd in Byron Bay anyway…
So she stood up.
She wiped her tears away.
She put herself and her hippie heart in her car and drove home.
That girl on the park bench…
That ‘she’… was ME. (Today).
I’m ready to own my crown (MY PURPOSE) and wear it with pride – no matter how scary and challenging it may feel at times.
HERE’S THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH:
In life we always have choices.
We can choose to face ourselves or turn a blind eye.
We can choose to take responsibility or live in ignorance.
We can choose to heal our pain or continue to suffer.
We can choose to FEEL or numb our emotions.
We can choose love or we choose hate.
But we can’t choose both at once.
I can’t choose to fulfil my purpose of raising global consciousness while I live in Byron hugging trees and eating brownies.
Let me get one thing straight –
NEITHER IS WRONG.
And I don’t have anything against people who do what I described above.
I actually think it’s wonderful. Part of me wants to do that too – we already established that earlier in my writing.
But MY SOUL knows that it’s not MY PURPOSE, but it may be theirs.
The powerful healing I just had may have cracked my head, heart, gut, soul & ego completely open.
I even wrote this blog from a different dimension… referring to me, as “she”!
SO MAY THIS DAY ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED…
22nd of September 2017.
The day of the EQUINOX.
The day I committed to my FULL purpose.
And the day I called back my power and owned my crown.
Turn Your Pain Into Power and give yourself permission to own your purpose. It’s time to start doing what you are called to do.
Welcome to New Beginnings gorgeous.
Now it’s time for me to rest and integrate…
Love you with all that I have left today.
PS – Only 4 spaces left to my #AwakenYourAwareness Event on the Gold Coast next weekend 30/9! You don’t want to miss it!